I decided to make a post about today, something I wrote for a friend that cares and asked.

I know this is a comment and you can if you come across read it I just wanted to share quickly what I wrote as fast as terribly written but from the heart, to a good friend whose name I will not mention.

I have been having bad episodes all day and some tonight. things built up and even if i thought I gave them to God, it reflected in the vicious way I verbally attacked my husband this morning. all that is wrong between us and all I have been trough these last 2 weeks with misunderstanding with the church meeting, the new friend sick and not truly a friend… my true best friend after 3 years an another a little mean text from me replied and told me how sick she is, misunderstanding with my friend that lives here, not my fault etc. I am still sick but trying to post some for tomorrow husband had a couple of tears only cried 3 ties in my 21 years of marriage and and I cried and cried asking forgiveness to him and God. I have reasons to be angry at Toby but when I get sick with my bipolar disorder and more, I can be so very mean. I am tired of a lot of things but we do love each other. God knows it all, some days I ask God to take me away because is too much to bear.. for everyone I asked the Lord for forgiveness and he also reminded me that I cannot help myself. that I did for a long time have patience with everything but my mind snapped. I had a big argument with my daughter that blames me for everything wrong I did in a very mean way, breaking my heart over and over. whose father that did not care about her died not too long ago…. she is angry and I was only trying to make her understand why I let him go. she said some very painful things to me and I took it all without a mean word. Then, I was hurt during 2 of the meetings. I talked to the lady responsible and she apologized. I do not like to leave things without talking about it and even if I am right it builds up anger and resentment. I truly forgive then but the enemy is crafty and uses my mental illnesses as his tool. I thank my husband because he forgave me and also told me he was going to change. God forgave me but I find it hard to forgive myself. I know that there is no condemnation but I hurt the people I love especially only actually, Toby my husband. is to much to talk about I am venting. Lot of things went side way a christian sister got a divorce and I told her 3 years ago not to get married. I knew it and prayed and was close to her the all time she was in anguish. Much more for a mind of a Bipolar 2 rapid cycle mainly depressive episodes, i know myself well after all the drs etc. ADHD OCD this one not bad, more mental problems, trauma etc, sister in Christ to handle even with the Lord. As I am writing this down I find some comfort. Thank you so very much for asking. God will as always fix everything again. Love you truly.My husband needs to change a bit, I was truly hurt inside again by him. Thank you ….you are an Angel,God is good and He is in charge. there is a reason for all but my husband is angry at Him because of all my medical problems I told Toby it’s OK I get closer to the Lord but at times I get sick for no reason mentally and I have several medical problems but it’s OK God takes care of these little things if you compare to the pain in this world maybe even a next door person we do not know, my pain is nothing….

pat

5 thoughts on “I decided to make a post about today, something I wrote for a friend that cares and asked.

    1. Thank you is my sickness that makes it hard. we do love each other deeply but, Toby still has his own spiritual road and at times is hard to go through things if God is present but not in the middle.

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