I know this is a comment and you can if you come across read it I just wanted to share quickly what I wrote as fast as terribly written but from the heart, to a good friend whose name I will not mention.
I have been having bad episodes all day and some tonight. things built up and even if i thought I gave them to God, it reflected in the vicious way I verbally attacked my husband this morning. all that is wrong between us and all I have been trough these last 2 weeks with misunderstanding with the church meeting, the new friend sick and not truly a friend… my true best friend after 3 years an another a little mean text from me replied and told me how sick she is, misunderstanding with my friend that lives here, not my fault etc. I am still sick but trying to post some for tomorrow husband had a couple of tears only cried 3 ties in my 21 years of marriage and and I cried and cried asking forgiveness to him and God. I have reasons to be angry at Toby but when I get sick with my bipolar disorder and more, I can be so very mean. I am tired of a lot of things but we do love each other. God knows it all, some days I ask God to take me away because is too much to bear.. for everyone I asked the Lord for forgiveness and he also reminded me that I cannot help myself. that I did for a long time have patience with everything but my mind snapped. I had a big argument with my daughter that blames me for everything wrong I did in a very mean way, breaking my heart over and over. whose father that did not care about her died not too long ago…. she is angry and I was only trying to make her understand why I let him go. she said some very painful things to me and I took it all without a mean word. Then, I was hurt during 2 of the meetings. I talked to the lady responsible and she apologized. I do not like to leave things without talking about it and even if I am right it builds up anger and resentment. I truly forgive then but the enemy is crafty and uses my mental illnesses as his tool. I thank my husband because he forgave me and also told me he was going to change. God forgave me but I find it hard to forgive myself. I know that there is no condemnation but I hurt the people I love especially only actually, Toby my husband. is to much to talk about I am venting. Lot of things went side way a christian sister got a divorce and I told her 3 years ago not to get married. I knew it and prayed and was close to her the all time she was in anguish. Much more for a mind of a Bipolar 2 rapid cycle mainly depressive episodes, i know myself well after all the drs etc. ADHD OCD this one not bad, more mental problems, trauma etc, sister in Christ to handle even with the Lord. As I am writing this down I find some comfort. Thank you so very much for asking. God will as always fix everything again. Love you truly.My husband needs to change a bit, I was truly hurt inside again by him. Thank you ….you are an Angel,God is good and He is in charge. there is a reason for all but my husband is angry at Him because of all my medical problems I told Toby it’s OK I get closer to the Lord but at times I get sick for no reason mentally and I have several medical problems but it’s OK God takes care of these little things if you compare to the pain in this world maybe even a next door person we do not know, my pain is nothing….