How to Give a Man a Makeover
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Every once in a while a woman decides to try something daring. She has what they call a makeover! She’ll look in the mirror and say, “I’m tired of looking like this. I think I’ll try something different.” So she puts herself really into someone else’s hands. Not just anyone. Oh, no, no! Someone who can skillfully change your eye makeup, your facial color, maybe your lip stick, maybe your hair style, your wardrobe. And “voila”! You look different. Hopefully you look better. But you had a makeover. Now, when’s the last time you ever heard of a man having a makeover? Well, actually some men could really use one.
Hey look! Men are pretty stubborn about changing. It’s hard for me to say that, but it’s a fact. If you’re a woman who is married to one, you say, “I know…I know. I didn’t have to tune in to find this out today.” Well, if you’re a woman, my guess is there’s a man in your life who could use a little work. Can you think of someone? Not so much physically; but maybe like more in his personality, his spiritual leadership, his communication, his attitudes, his bad habits. Now I’ve got you going, right? Are we together in this?
Now, our word for today from the Word of God, Titus 2:4-5. It talks about some skills that hopefully older women have mastered so they can pass them on to the next generation of women. Then it says, “They can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands so that no one will malign the Word of God.”
Now, it’s kind of a neat dynamic here. You’ve got the veterans teaching the rookies what they’re supposed to do. And the single phrase that begins it is this: “Love their husbands.” Notice it doesn’t say, “The older women should teach the younger women how to change their husbands.” It says “how to love them.”
Ruth Graham, Billy Graham’s wife, said very wisely: “It is my job to love Billy; it is God’s job to change him.” That principle applies to sons and fathers to some extent, and certainly to husbands. A woman is a powerful force in changing a man if she makes him feel safe. A man often isn’t going to risk changing unless he feels like there’s a woman who will love him whether he changes or not.
Unfortunately, a lot of women want to give God a little help in reconstructing this big, old lummox, so that woman brings out the hammer and chisel, and starts nagging, and pushing, and criticizing, and attacking. “I’ll change him!” All the push tactics make him feel cornered, attacked, and less secure. Therefore, he’s less likely to change. Remember, a man has to feel safe in order to take the risk to try to change.
If nagging doesn’t do it, well what will you might ask. We’re back to what the older women are supposed to teach the younger women, “love your husband.” Praise his strengths often. If he makes a little progress, compliment that. As my wife had on a little plaque over the kitchen sink, “Water what you want to grow.” Hold your tongue if it’s going to be negative and tearing downwards. Share gently your feelings when you’re hurting, but not his failings, but your feelings. Let him know how much you need him, and then pray for him to change. I know it feels risky just to love him, but it’s how God says it works.
Does the man you want to be different feel safe in your love? I hope he does. Unconditional love? Well, that’s God’s way for a woman to give her man a makeover.
© (c) Ronald P. Hutchcraft
Distributed by Ron Hutchcraft Ministries, Inc.