Exes and Oh’s
By Lisa Lakey
A face I hadn’t seen in years was staring at me from my inbox. Just found out we had some mutual friends. How have you been?
Before I could stop myself, my fingers began typing a quick reply. Things are good here. Two kids, married … Oh.
I stopped and wondered if this was safe territory for my marriage. Would I be upset with my husband if he messaged (even innocently) with an ex-girlfriend?
You bet I would.
Would he care if I messaged an old flame I obviously had no interest in anymore?
That was enough. I deleted the message before sending and blocked him from contacting me further.
Seem a bit much? It often does in the beginning.
I’ve known women and men who never meant to get involved when they first messaged someone from their past. But the thing is, if feelings were there once, they can return.
And the safest way to make sure those old feelings stay in the past, particularly on the days when your spouse forgets to thank you for anything or has a string of complaints the moment you walk in the door?
Don’t friend your exes on social media.
I recently read that one third of all legal action in divorce cases is caused by an online affair*. Let that sink in for a minute.
These married people weren’t meeting up with someone they met in a bar or at work. Their affairs started with an online conversation.
Someone sent a “Hey, how ya doin’?” message and before anyone was even aware of it, lines were crossed.
What I do online isn’t just my business. For trust to be maintained in my relationship, I need to be open and honest with my husband. If he questions my faithfulness in one area, he will in others too. And rightfully so.
So to protect the trust he has in me, I’ll gladly keep the exes in the past before they turn into an “Oh, no …”
The good stuff: Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out. (Proverbs 10:9)
Action points: Write out all the passwords on your social media accounts and hand it to your spouse. Tell them, “I know you trust me, but you are always welcome to see what I am doing if you doubt it. My feelings won’t be hurt.”