Don’t Love Me Like That
By Lisa Lakey
When we were younger, I loved my husband the way I wanted to be loved.
I surprised him with sweet treats. I picked up his share of the household chores. I rented movies every Friday so we could cuddle up after a long work week.
But here’s the problem … he wasn’t big on sweets. He felt guilty when I attempted to mow the lawn (I think I broke the mower once). And movies on the couch make him fall asleep.
Looking back, my attempts to show him how much I loved him were a wee bit ridiculous.
Josh and I are as different as night and day. I wanted romantic dinners and long talks. He needed quiet time to decompress when he got home (and a steak cooking on the grill didn’t hurt). So, naturally, I talked his ear off every night and then got my feelings hurt when he didn’t respond accordingly.
I not-so-quickly learned that loving my husband required respecting how we differ in both the fantastic and somewhat uncomfortable ways. I learned that waking up far too early on Saturday (without grumbling) to fish at a lake two hours away spoke greater love to him than breakfast in bed.
I learned that loving him means being patient when he is a little grumpy after a 16-hour workday. It means being forgiving, humble, and gracious.
Even when I don’t want to, which is often.
I get one lifetime with this husband of mine. So I want to love him well.
The good stuff: Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience … And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. (Colossians 3:12,14).
Action points: Separately, make a list of five ways you feel loved by your spouse (example, “I feel loved when he fills up my gas tank.”). Come together and talk about what makes you feel loved in each of these situations. Pick one item from your spouse’s list to do this week.