Your marriage is bigger than any failure you will face.
By Lesli White
It’s hard dealing with failure in your marriage. Sometimes, it’s even harder admitting that failure exists and that there is trouble in the marriage. When your marriage needs the most help, you may find yourself lonely and hopeless. Yet, ignoring the failure only makes things worst. You must be aware of the issues so you can figure out the best course of action.
The truth is your spouse will fail countless times. The person you married is imperfect. They are guaranteed to hurt you, and failure will show up. This doesn’t mean that we throw the whole relationship away. We need to get to the root of the failure and work towards forgiveness. Here are seven things to do when your husband fails you.
You must open up the lines of communication. This is key in any healthy relationship. Sometimes, the root of failure in a relationship can because of a communication breakdown or the lack thereof. Sometimes, issues that will continue to show up become underlying issues are left unresolved. This will create space for more arguments. When your husband fails, instead of getting defensive or jumping all over him, take the time to listen to what he has to say. Figure out what the root of the failure and pain is. After you actively listen, you can offer your suggestion. Sometimes, this is all your partner is looking for from you. While your concerns about the relationship are important, it is even more important that you step back and understand their pain. When your husband fails, it may seem like being right is important, but it isn’t.
Opening up can be hard for both partners, but it is one of the most important ingredients for a healthy relationship, especially after failure shows up. For a healthy relationship, both you and your husband need to feel loved, appreciated, valued, and supported. Often, vulnerability seems like a weakness, but it isn’t. When you ignore those weaknesses, they can manifest into other things. Remember, relationships take a lot of work. Yet, if you push through the failures and the turmoil, you will find better ways to connect with your partner. He will value you for this.
Spend More Quality Time Together
This may be the last thing you want to do when you’re feeling wronged, but it is one of the best things you can do to restore the relationship. Spending quality time with your partner is crucial, even when your marriage isn’t in trouble. Life can get crazy, and our schedules are filled with so many things. It’s alright to clear your calendar and prioritize your husband. Maybe this is a time where you guys can start or catch up on your favorite Netflix series. It can also be a time where you work together on making a favorite dish. Your partner will respect the fact that you are making time for them. It’s also important that this isn’t just a one-time thing. This will remind your spouse why you guys loved each other in the first place.
Never underestimate the power of counseling. Most couples are nervous when someone mentions “counseling,” but it may just be what your marriage needs right now. Your relationship will have its ups and downs. That comes with the territory. The relationships that thrive are the ones that can admit failure, take constructive criticism, and work through those issues together. Going to couple’s counseling regularly can be a gamechanger, no matter what stage your marriage is in. The key is being on the same page about counseling. Remember, this is about you two working together. If you guys aren’t on the same page about healing the relationship, you won’t see the results you are looking for.
This is one of the most important ingredients for moving forward after failure arises in the relationship. The truth is, when we hold on to issues from the past, it only creates more toxicity. This can be incredibly unhealthy. Often, we hold on to our hurt to protect ourselves from being hurt over again. Yet, learning to forgive is the only way we can get past the failures. Remember, God calls us to forgive. Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” If you cannot forgive your spouse right now, call on God to move you from this place.
When respect isn’t present in the marriage, it can open the door to trouble and failure. When respect is missing completely, it can tear the relationship down in so many ways. Remember, no arguments should ever get so bad that you’re attacking and tearing your spouse’s character down. Try practicing respect and self-control. Openly communicate when things are bothering you. Don’t hold onto these issues until they boil over. Remember to give him the same respect that you would like to receive. If things are showing up in the relationship that compromises respect, issues will continue.
Love Him For Who He is and Who He Isn’t
It’s hard loving your spouse when you feel they’ve wrong you. It’s even harder when we feel like they’ve failed us. The truth is, we have to love our spouse the way they are. Too often, we go into marriages thinking that we can fix our partners. Yes, we can work through issues that arise, but our focus shouldn’t make that person into someone they aren’t. We should love our spouses for who they and who they aren’t.
Nobody said relationships didn’t take work. They can be difficult and complicated. Yet, if we understand what’s wrong initially and can identify the signals that something is wrong, we can jump on top of these issues early. You have the power to move past the failures in your marriage.Lesli White is a graduate of Virginia Commonwealth with a Bachelor’s degree in Mass Communications and a concentration in print and online journalism. In college, she took a number of religious studies courses and harnessed her talent for storytelling. White has a rich faith background. Her father, a Lutheran pastor and life coach was a big influence in her faith life, helping her to see the value of sharing the message of Christ with others. She has served in the church from an early age. Some of these roles include assisting ministry, mutual ministry, worship and music ministry and church council.